ADHD, Subtraction, multiplication, division…

I haven’t touched this in a while and with good cause!

Not really. Things have been a bit of touch and go. Heavy goes the mind that does release the pressure of the entire world on its head.

There are times where folks say to just get it started and you will fix it up later. We see how that happens when the newest AAA game comes out. Though I have to say, this has been a long time coming and it is mostly due to a lot of fear.

Last year, I got diagnosed as having ADHD. It is one of those things that many people talk about now, but shoot, taking the medication has really shown how much it affects me and how I have the mental energy to do things.

Imagine you have three tasks in front of you: picking up a box, drawing a circle, and building a Jenga tower. None of these sound difficult, yeah? However, with what I have going on in my mind, I have to decide which one to do first. That takes up a LOT of mental energy, believe it or not. Then comes the pre-planning: where do I take the box? Do I drop it or put it down slowly? How big a circle? Is it using a piece of chalk, pen, pencil? If pencil, will it make that noise that is so annoying, it wrecks my nervous system? What about the Jenga tower? If I complete it and it falls, will I have to rebuild it again? Will I be able to or will it be marked as a permanent scar on my life?

See what I mean? I take some medication and the overthinking, though still there, doesn’t overload my nervous system. That is how it has been these past few months.

Given the economy being as it is, I’m looking towards my creative side; the side that I have neglected for most of my life. Though I do lead some TTRPG games on the weekends with friends, I have been thinking of taking that to the professional realm: selling my Game Master skills to others. It would be a good bunch of money on the side; but aye, do I really want to turn something that I love into something monetary?

Thought of also getting into voice acting, source my voice to beat the digital code walkers that mimic human speech in gaming and in animated episodes. Another mental energy drain that would not be so much if I were to get a gig. So far, just applying and putting myself out there.

Then there is that book idea. Ah, I have so many ideas and I have one that would rock your socks off… if I can just write it down. Well, the problem is not writing it down, it is the logistics to afterwards. My story deals with mythological figures and I am worried that if I tell the story that I will be taking from another culture and I don’t want to be a book colonialist. A book-olonialist, if you will.

In addition, there is the Youtube channel. I will be sure to post it up here once I JUST DO IT. I’ve finished the audio recording, and I do not have all the video footage yet but I can do it. It just… again, my brain is like in energy-conservation mode. Though this stuff would be fantastic to put out there, mentally, my brain just with holds what is going on.

Many ideas. Many projects. Awesome stuff! Though my brain…

I don’t want to blame or put everything down on my brain. My brain is awesome. It has helped me get through a lot in my life, let me tell you.

This is just a big step for me. Like, imagine signing up for Kick boxing classes knowing you will be sparring against people that have been doing this for DECADES. I’m afraid of getting hit and not being able to get back up.

But we, as people, got to. Plus, I have these pills that are helping so I got that going for me.

Anywho, that is it for now. Let’s see if I can get some views up in here!